So deep it didn't even bleed

Messed up. Seriously, messed up. I was planning on ranting about friendship and what it really is and junk but I totally lost my thunder. It seems that a whole lot of stuff has been going on that I knew nothing about with some of my friends. They never told me anything. I guess I’m not a good friend. I was, for a short while, mad that they thought that I wasn’t…I donno, good enough, to be told what the heck was going on. Now…maybe I’m the bad friend. I live in my world of books and information and facts. Not people, not emotions. Maybe I like it that way. Maybe I like things only being right or wrong not open to interpretation.
I’ve never told people anything, really, about myself but I expect them to tell me about them. I guess it doesn’t work that way. Now I’m at a crossroads. A big one. I can either open myself up to people and maybe get hurt even more or totally cut myself off from people even more so then I am. I really don’t know what to do. The idea of not getting hurt and not having to deal with people’s feelings is quite attracting but at the same time I really don’t know. I kinda want to have a real relationship with someone. For the first time have someone who knows everything about me like I do them.
I’m not sure what to do…really

“All I want inside I still am empty

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I...

I'll be just fine

Pretending I'm not

I'm far from lonely

And it's all that I've got”

EDIT - Maybe...there is some hope...